I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize