Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
