dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize