My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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