I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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