First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
