just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
