absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
