scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize