I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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