At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
