her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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