Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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