i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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