I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I puked a lego.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
