I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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