he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
