I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
