hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
