I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
