Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
