just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
