remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
