I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's shark week go big or go home
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize