Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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