chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
