My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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