It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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