Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
