never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
