Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You took a bar mat shot.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
