my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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