census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
