I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
