can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
