Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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