Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
