Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
