I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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