Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
