I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
