It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
