Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
