My sheets look like a crime scene.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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