I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
