how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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