dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize