I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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