I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
