my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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