1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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