please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So apparently I’m into choking now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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