Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
