Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
