i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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