You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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