Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
