if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
