I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize