I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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