just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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