my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
