Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
