I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize