She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
