I hate your face
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
