forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize