If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
