oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
