I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
