I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
