Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
