the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
