Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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