Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
